I recently stumbled upon a facial recognition website and decided to have some fun with it. I uploaded pictures of my exes, flings, and other romantic encounters, excited to see what the results would be. To my surprise, one of my exes, whom I’ll refer to as J, appeared on a gay website. This confused me at first because our sexual experiences together were some of the best I’ve ever had. J was always eager to please me in any way possible, even if it meant doing something unconventional like eating my ass in a hot tub or having sex in public places. But as I looked at his picture on the website, posing proudly with his chiseled body and hard dick, it made me question things. J was never really my type physically, yet we had amazing chemistry in bed. He was also younger than what I typically go for and came from a conservative background with a pastor father and a church family. Could he have been living a lie all this time? Maybe that’s why our relationship was so toxic and filled with conflict. Despite all of this, there were still moments of fun and escape when we were together – road trips listening to good music, exploring old cemeteries, and just being spontaneous without any plans or responsibilities. But ultimately, our relationship was damaging for both of us, bringing out the worst in each other due to our own inner struggles. Sex may have been like a drug between us, but ultimately, it wasn’t worth sacrificing who I truly wanted to be for someone who couldn’t accept themselves as they were.
I ask, “Is being vanilla really that terrible?” After years of an on-again-off-again relationship, I am now married to someone. Is he 100% vanilla? No. But does he share the same wild desires as J, who eagerly wanted to have rough sex and perform oral on me from behind? Absolutely not. However, my husband listens to my needs, and when I tell him he’s being too vanilla, he tries his best to spice things up. And that makes me love and appreciate him even more. Is he posting explicit photos online? Probably not, but facial recognition technology might be able to confirm that (LOL). Do I ever have doubts about his sexual orientation during intimate moments? No. Do I trust him and know his intentions, desires, and needs are genuine? Yes. So maybe being vanilla requires a little extra effort to reach climax, but it doesn’t make the experience any less enjoyable. Whether it’s vanilla or something more adventurous, sex is rarely ever bad. And when given the choice, would I rather be with someone who has a history of posting gay porn photos online? I think we all know the answer to that. So, for me, being with a “vanilla” partner is perfectly fine and fulfilling.